TRIPPING GOING FULL-TILT

There's a falicy that people who seem to always be in an upbeat, positive frame of mind are never depressed, anxious or suffer the myriad of other negative conditions that plague humans in general. The sad fact is that, not only is this a false assumption, but when the 'always' positive individual has difficulty coping and needs to unload on the proverbial shoulder, quite often it isn't readily available. It's true. While struggling to stay afloat, we often wave off the would-be lifesaver with a curt word, smirky grin or shrug of the shoulder. I'll be okay, we say bruskly. Having been one to pre-guess the needs of others for most of my life, I couldn't understand why no one could do the same for me. Naturally, this attitude compounded my already sinking mood.

In a recent hour of need, I discovered that the only way anyone would be able to offer guidance was if I openly confessed the sad state of my mind, complete with all the gory details, which was incredibly difficult to do. Oh, but then not to have gone through all the frustration, the explaining, the longing and the sorrowful feeling that I was drowning in my own puke, would have left me without the grace of self-recovery. Yes, I did finally blurt out my plight to a choice few because I no longer wished to martyr myself in silient suffering. The remarkable thing is that I was forced to perform my own psychological diagnosis which began with some teachings of Buddha, walking with Christ and ended with me putting aside my favorite treat - my port! It was only then and after a really good night's sleep, that I could begin to function again.

Having slogged through this ordeal has fine-tuned my compassion radar. Not only will I be more attentive and compassionate when someone else is looking for help, but I will not be shrugging off the little signs that they might be in trouble. Being strong-willed, an Army Sargeant's daughter - 'stiff upper lip' and all, I will be more tolerant and caring when I detect a 'whine' or see a flicker of sadness from the eyes of a smiling face. Life is more subtle than overt, I think, becoming more obtuse and difficult to label as we thrust forward. And, we are thrusting! I vote for the slow horse and the smell of the fields after a spring rain. I will take the memory of the whipporwill with me to work and contemplate the magic of the moment when my mind is at rest.

Three days to yard sale! God bless you all!