TRIPPING GOING FULL-TILT

There's a falicy that people who seem to always be in an upbeat, positive frame of mind are never depressed, anxious or suffer the myriad of other negative conditions that plague humans in general. The sad fact is that, not only is this a false assumption, but when the 'always' positive individual has difficulty coping and needs to unload on the proverbial shoulder, quite often it isn't readily available. It's true. While struggling to stay afloat, we often wave off the would-be lifesaver with a curt word, smirky grin or shrug of the shoulder. I'll be okay, we say bruskly. Having been one to pre-guess the needs of others for most of my life, I couldn't understand why no one could do the same for me. Naturally, this attitude compounded my already sinking mood.

In a recent hour of need, I discovered that the only way anyone would be able to offer guidance was if I openly confessed the sad state of my mind, complete with all the gory details, which was incredibly difficult to do. Oh, but then not to have gone through all the frustration, the explaining, the longing and the sorrowful feeling that I was drowning in my own puke, would have left me without the grace of self-recovery. Yes, I did finally blurt out my plight to a choice few because I no longer wished to martyr myself in silient suffering. The remarkable thing is that I was forced to perform my own psychological diagnosis which began with some teachings of Buddha, walking with Christ and ended with me putting aside my favorite treat - my port! It was only then and after a really good night's sleep, that I could begin to function again.

Having slogged through this ordeal has fine-tuned my compassion radar. Not only will I be more attentive and compassionate when someone else is looking for help, but I will not be shrugging off the little signs that they might be in trouble. Being strong-willed, an Army Sargeant's daughter - 'stiff upper lip' and all, I will be more tolerant and caring when I detect a 'whine' or see a flicker of sadness from the eyes of a smiling face. Life is more subtle than overt, I think, becoming more obtuse and difficult to label as we thrust forward. And, we are thrusting! I vote for the slow horse and the smell of the fields after a spring rain. I will take the memory of the whipporwill with me to work and contemplate the magic of the moment when my mind is at rest.

Three days to yard sale! God bless you all!

Installment 2 "A New Life Saga" The Yard Sale

It seems only yesterday that I posted my last blog. Not half a month! Happily, I can say that my delinquency is due to being busy rather than any of the sedentary negatives that might plague a person.

As yard sales go, I must tell you how much I absolutely despise them! That's right. I do. After the last one almost five years ago, I announced to any who might have been listening that I would never do another. There it is. That 'never' word that always trips you up. Well, the cars are in the drive - not the garage, because the two car garage is filled with 'stuff' accumulated over the years. There's even 'stuff' from our previous residence that was moved because we ran out of time to deal with it. It's one and a half weeks until THE DAY(S) and I'm still in denial that it's actually happening even though I've spent hours and muscles moving, toting, cleaning and sorting. I've drawn out the 'where' of everything - what needs to be sheltered should the weather not cooperate and what can be moved in and out of protection from would be 'help yourselfers' during the time we are not 'selling'.

Midst all this mess, spring has decided to visit in an unusually beautiful manner, motivating those urges to plant, pull weeds and rearrange things you've been deliberating on all winter. Here again, there is cause to distinguish between the absolute 'needs to be done' and the 'I wants'. So, I've deigned to spray the yard to kill the neighbor's dandelions myself and coo to my son and grand daughters to do the heavy things I can no longer force my body to accomplish. When asked, "What will you do if I move away?", I simply say, by that time, I'll either be able to pay someone else to do it or have moved into a condo where it wouldn't be an issue. Problem solved. Wish all problems were that easy.

My author/teacher cousin in Texas has encouraged me to blog more often. I am giving that thought serious consideration. I must have a clear goal for spending the time blogging. She has accrued many 'followers' who have encouraged her to do more, better, bigger, etc. Please treat yourself - visit her blog.

http://www.grandmas-on-the-go.blogspot.com/

Personal update: BOOKS ARE IN! Email me if you would like a copy (tax & ship costs inc.) $19.95 Check it out! www.waweishampel.com

Thirty three days since my last 'puff' and about six pounds lighter than when I last blogged! Doing good! Feeling good! One more 'fast' day and I believe I might lick that 'plateau' I've been fighting for the past five years.

Coming soon: More Yard Sale and perhaps, a little surprise! No. I'm not pregnant!

A New Life!

Installment I of "A New Life" saga:

The time has finally come. I'm done! No more cigarettes! No more ignoring my body's need for balance; balance in what and how much I eat and what I need to stay physically fit. After all, the prize is water skiing one more time! Little did I know just how badly out-of-shape I was when I started my yoga stretches again after a (cough) long haitus. Now, when I reach for something, I grab my side - what the....? Oh, yeah. Those arm-over-the-head-lean-to-the-side-things. Oh well, no pain, no gain, right?!!

My decision to do both life altering things at once was really motivated by money. That's right. Money. Or the lack of it. When I found it more difficult to purchase things I had taken for granted for years, one of those "ah-ha" moments interrupted my depression. (Not that I have ever allowed myself much time for depression, mind you. I find it a waste of good resources, especially when I'd much rather be happy. Giving in to depression puts the brakes on any forward movement. Even if I feel like I'm taking one step forward and two back sometimes, wallowing in pity is going entirely in the wrong direction.)

Moving forward from where I am probably won't restore the looks of my youth, but I've always felt it was possible to defy age with good health and a positive attitude and I FEEL IT WORKING! In the past six days, I have planted five trees, weeded two garden beds (several to go), laid three bags of mulch, filled six bags of yard waste, done my weekly housecleaning, laundry and grocery shopping and enjoyed a lovely Easter holiday with a few members of my family.

Every day I work to accomplish the daily mini goals I've set for myself and all the while I see me hanging tightly to the ski bar, sailing back and forth across the wake of the boat, thrilled to have achieved another personal goal!

Postscript: It has been eighteen (18) days since my lips have known a cigarette!
My lungs rejoice and (per my personal Doctor) I no longer use ANY inhalers!

Coming: Installment II - The Yard Sale